OMG Paris Hilton Lied To Whole World

After Paris Hilton went to jail for violating her drunk driving probation, she lied to America and Africa and basically the entire planet. She promised Larry King, global news demigod, that nightclubs would no longer be the focus of her life. She vowed to stop hanging out with opportunists. She said she was going to build a transitional home for lady criminals. She even promised to visit Rwanda and multiple other gross countries to do charity-type things, such as stuff for children. Everyone everywhere was touched, so Harvard students gave her a very special award. But then MTV offered the opportunist socialite a reality show, and Hilton dropped all those loving sacrifice plans, and the Times today exposed her wrongdoing. Hilton promises she will get around to the selfless stuff eventually, but we know she is lying, so let's just look at her past lies and die a little bit inside: